At a crossroad...

I wrote this last week but just got the time to reread it and publish it.  I know that many of you who read this will think I'm crazy, and maybe I am.  It just seems that we are at a crossroad in our life and we don't really know what way to go. So here it goes...


For the last few weeks I've been in a funk.  Things are out of control at our house and I'm not really sure why.  It seems like the school year keeps getting harder and harder for me.  Yes, me not the kids.  I have went from one kid to the next dealing with things that are happening at school.  Some of them are minor and some are pretty serious.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster that began on September 6th.  I really don't understand how things just keep getting crazier and crazier. My boys are all very different and they each are have trouble with their own things.  For Adam it's been more I am having trouble with things that are going on.  For Ben third grade has been hard socially.  For Josh it's been behavior and attitude.

When school started I wasn't ready to send them back.  I didn't want them to go to school and miss out on all the fun things we could be doing. The big trip this Summer has taught our boys a lot about our family, country and how things outside of little old Petersburg work.  They saw and did things that a lot of people only see in books.  They learned that video games are fun but being out in the woods could be a lot funner.  They saw places that had both history and sceince in them.  They learned about bats and how they are helpful to our planet.  They learned about bears and even got to see one.  They swam in a river that was running down a mountain.  They saw a dam and how it worked to create electricity.  They saw baby deer sleeping outside our camper.  These lessons are things that can only be taught in life.

They went back to school and things seem to fall apart.  Adam, who is now a 5th grader,  is not being challenged.  The things that are being taught are second grade level.  Yes I do understand that he tested at this level but what are we doing to change that?!?!  The homework that he is bringing home is the same stuff that he had in kindergarden, 1st, 2nd, and so on.  How is he going to be able to live a life without us if he is only taught addition?!  How is he goin to be able to buy groceries and pay bills if he can't do the math.  I understand that he learns different than the rest to the kids but why are we not challenging him.  I know he can do more.  During the summmer I make worksheets for the boys to work on.  I know that he can do more.

Ben has trouble socially.  He has friends but they are not close friends.  He plays with the same girl on recess every day.  Not a problem but when she plays with someone else, he just walks around by himself.  That is NOT what you want to hear from your child.  You want your kids to have friends and to be excepted by others.  Instead he is not.  This doesn't bother him and I do just let things be.   I would never go and make a big deal out of something that he's fine with.  However it does bother me.  The hopes of every mother is that their child will be liked and when your kid never really talks about having friends you worry.  He struggles with his school work, but seems to be doing ok.

Joshua is a smart little guy.  He picks up things very quickly.  He has two older brothers that he has learned from.  He knew his colors, letters, and numbers early.  He is a pretty good reader and likes to draw and paint.  He is an artsy fartsy kid.  He is also very quick to anger and thinks that he runs the house.  His trouble this year has been behavior.  Everyone has an opion on how to handle behavior issues.  From timeouts, behavior charts and even spanking.  This is the child that will drive me to the padded room.  I'm really at my wits end with him and I really don't know how to handle it anymore.  We have come up with yet another way to handle him this week.  I hope this one works because he may not see 7.  His birthday is next week and he's been told that if things don't change then no party.

For the last few weeks I've thought abut homeschooling.  I'm still not ready to say that we'll never do it but for right now we are sticking with the school.  The homeschooling advantages are really great.  I just don't know if we are ready to start a whole new lifestyle.  Thats pretty much what it is.  I love the idea of having them home and being able to do the teaching so I know what they are learning.   I love the idea of my kids not being bullied or teased because their best friend is a girl.  I love the idea of being able to teach them at their pace and to challenge them. I love the idea of the things we could do as a family to help them learn more about  the world around them and to have God as part of their daily lessons.  How beautiful is that!?!?  However, we are also not so sure we are up to the challenge.  We are not so sure we could handle them being here all the time.  We are not so sure we could deal with the melt down and fighting that would, not might, happen.  We are not so sure that I could handle the everyday of them being home.  I won't lie, I love the peace when they are at school.  I love the time I get to myself.   I love being able to do the shopping and running errends without them.  How do you juggle all that when you homeschool?  I know people who do it.  I envey how they can handle it all and still seem sane.  I really wish I were one of those people, and maybe someday I will be.  For now though I don't really know if I can do it.  I'm not ready to say no, but not really ready to say yes eather.