So I've been away while. I just looked at my blog and I had two post that I wrote but never published. Well I just did it and I'm not sure I like the way they turned out. I've been thinking lately that I need some sort of change in my life. Not a big one like getting rid of my husband or anything but something little. I've been thinking about all that has happend in the last year or two and I can't believe I didn't go bat shit crazy!! So here's to a new start...
Friday, February 1, 2013
So it's been awhile. I haven't really had much time to write. There are so many things I could be saying right now. I just read my last post and want you all to know that all is well on that subject. Now on to the reason for the post...
Many of you have been praying and supporting us through many challenges in our life. The biggest for last school year and this one has been Ben and his struggles. I'm so proud to say that all is going well with him this year. He has been taking a medication and it has helped alot! He is able to deal with daily life much better than last year. We have started testing at school and hope to get him even more help if he needs it. One of the other things that I believe has helped Ben this year other than meds is football. This year he was able to play tackle football. It gave him confidence that I know he lacked. He had the best coaches you could ask for. These men not only taught him the game, but how to be part of a team. They gave him something to look forward to everyday. They cheered him on and let him know that he was doing a good job. He wasn't the best and he wasn't the worst. He loved playing and looked forward to every game.
Football has been good for me also. For the first time in awhile I got to talk to other Moms. If you don't know me, well, I am a bit shy. I know, most of you are saying..yeah right, you shy...but I am. I don't just walk up to someone and start talking. I know that I sometimes come off as a snob, but I'm really not. I just lack some self confidence when it comes to talking to other Moms at school. I worry that I'm not good enough for them. I worry about saying something that may offend them. I worry that my hair is not right, or my clothes aren't good enough. I worry that I'm overweight and they won't like me. I worry that my kids are doing something that they will judge me for. I know, I know, I worry to much. I know that I am good enough. I know that my boys are boys and they will make mistakes. I know that clothes and hair don't make the person. The thing is, I still have some of those insecurities that I had in high school. Talking to some of these football moms I found that we are all alot alike. We all have our daily struggles. We all have issues with our children. We are not perfect. I made some true friends through this. I knew these ladies already but the friendship was build on the practice field. I'm blessed to have them in my life and look forward to many more of our times together. Thank you for all your support girls!
Many of you have been praying and supporting us through many challenges in our life. The biggest for last school year and this one has been Ben and his struggles. I'm so proud to say that all is going well with him this year. He has been taking a medication and it has helped alot! He is able to deal with daily life much better than last year. We have started testing at school and hope to get him even more help if he needs it. One of the other things that I believe has helped Ben this year other than meds is football. This year he was able to play tackle football. It gave him confidence that I know he lacked. He had the best coaches you could ask for. These men not only taught him the game, but how to be part of a team. They gave him something to look forward to everyday. They cheered him on and let him know that he was doing a good job. He wasn't the best and he wasn't the worst. He loved playing and looked forward to every game.
Football has been good for me also. For the first time in awhile I got to talk to other Moms. If you don't know me, well, I am a bit shy. I know, most of you are saying..yeah right, you shy...but I am. I don't just walk up to someone and start talking. I know that I sometimes come off as a snob, but I'm really not. I just lack some self confidence when it comes to talking to other Moms at school. I worry that I'm not good enough for them. I worry about saying something that may offend them. I worry that my hair is not right, or my clothes aren't good enough. I worry that I'm overweight and they won't like me. I worry that my kids are doing something that they will judge me for. I know, I know, I worry to much. I know that I am good enough. I know that my boys are boys and they will make mistakes. I know that clothes and hair don't make the person. The thing is, I still have some of those insecurities that I had in high school. Talking to some of these football moms I found that we are all alot alike. We all have our daily struggles. We all have issues with our children. We are not perfect. I made some true friends through this. I knew these ladies already but the friendship was build on the practice field. I'm blessed to have them in my life and look forward to many more of our times together. Thank you for all your support girls!
Okay so I never thought I would be hearing those words again. After you go though the many stages of finding out your child has Autism you put on your big girl panties and face it head on. At first you just can't believe anything they are telling you. Then you are all strong and brave for a few minutes than you just fall all apart. After a while you see that things are going to be fine...maybe even good. Then after a few years you don't even really think about what it would've been like because the child you have is an amazing person. You can't even imagine him being any different.
Life goes on and you are finally in a good place and then....BAM!!! You hit that damn door again! You are now going to all kinds of meetings at school and your making all kinds of doctor appointments. Your trying to find out just what in the hell is going on. This kid is nothing like your first child and if anyone should know if your child has something wrong then it should be you right?!?! I mean come on... you have been though this before and you know all the signs. Well guess what...there are many types of Autism. Some signs get missed because you don't even really realize that they are there. You don't notice it as much because they are not the in your face signs.
Life goes on and you are finally in a good place and then....BAM!!! You hit that damn door again! You are now going to all kinds of meetings at school and your making all kinds of doctor appointments. Your trying to find out just what in the hell is going on. This kid is nothing like your first child and if anyone should know if your child has something wrong then it should be you right?!?! I mean come on... you have been though this before and you know all the signs. Well guess what...there are many types of Autism. Some signs get missed because you don't even really realize that they are there. You don't notice it as much because they are not the in your face signs.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Grown up words for little boys.
Yesterday my 7 year old goes in to talk to his dad. Matt has been working nights and the boys have really been missing him. Josh likes to sneek into our room when I'm not paying attention. He goes in and wakes his dad up and talks to him. He sneeks because he knows that I'll get after him for waking up his dad. Matt usually is half asleep and doesn't really hear what Josh is saying. Yesterday was no differant than any other day in that Matt really wasn't fully awake when Josh was talking. However what Josh had said was something that Matt remembered.
My boys like to watch the Disney channel and Disney XD. We don't let them watch Cartoon Network because there are very few kids cartoons on there anymore. We have always thought that Disney was a safe channel. Sure, there are a few shows that get under my skin but thats because there are adults who act like kids and kids who act like adults. There are few other shows were the kids act immature and ridiculous. Sometimes you hear someone say something about a girl being "hot" or that someone is stupid. You can explain to your kids that those are words that you don't like them saying. What Josh said was not something I wanted to explain to a 7 year old.
The boys watch a show called Lab Rats. I've watched it a few time with them and although it was annoying I didn't see any problem with it untill yesterday. Josh told his dad that the computer in the show told the man "I can see you everywhere. I can even see you in the shower and nothing should be that clean." How do you explain to your 7 years old that he shouldn't ever repeat that to anyone. Shame on you Disney for allowing language like this in a kids show. Sure we've all enjoyed some of the Disney movies in the last 20 years. They have added some adult humor that gets missed by our kids and keeps us happy. This however has gone a bit too far! Is there anything wrong with wanting your children to stay children while they can? They have to grow up fast enough, why do they have to rush it?? I'm still not sure what to do about the tv, but for now they can only watch Phineas and Ferb.
My boys like to watch the Disney channel and Disney XD. We don't let them watch Cartoon Network because there are very few kids cartoons on there anymore. We have always thought that Disney was a safe channel. Sure, there are a few shows that get under my skin but thats because there are adults who act like kids and kids who act like adults. There are few other shows were the kids act immature and ridiculous. Sometimes you hear someone say something about a girl being "hot" or that someone is stupid. You can explain to your kids that those are words that you don't like them saying. What Josh said was not something I wanted to explain to a 7 year old.
The boys watch a show called Lab Rats. I've watched it a few time with them and although it was annoying I didn't see any problem with it untill yesterday. Josh told his dad that the computer in the show told the man "I can see you everywhere. I can even see you in the shower and nothing should be that clean." How do you explain to your 7 years old that he shouldn't ever repeat that to anyone. Shame on you Disney for allowing language like this in a kids show. Sure we've all enjoyed some of the Disney movies in the last 20 years. They have added some adult humor that gets missed by our kids and keeps us happy. This however has gone a bit too far! Is there anything wrong with wanting your children to stay children while they can? They have to grow up fast enough, why do they have to rush it?? I'm still not sure what to do about the tv, but for now they can only watch Phineas and Ferb.
Friday, June 22, 2012
A fork in the road.
There comes a time in your life when you have a fork in the road and you just don't know what way to go. I'm at that fork. If I stay on the path I'm on things are just going to stay the way they are and I'm going to be unsettled all the time. If I chose the other then my life will not be the same. I really don't know what to do and I'm scared at the thought of things never being the same. If I stay then I'm just letting myself get walked on and used again. What to do...
I guess God has it all worked out and there really is nothing I can do without prayer and putting it in His hands. I again think of my favorite verus and know all will be ok.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
I guess God has it all worked out and there really is nothing I can do without prayer and putting it in His hands. I again think of my favorite verus and know all will be ok.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Friday, June 1, 2012
Waiting, waiting waiting. That's pretty much how the last six months have gone for us around here. Waiting for the "big one" and I don't mean a heart attack. Waiting for counselors, waiting for the psychiatrists, waiting for the big one! I really get so tired of waiting!! Now I'm waiting on a return phone call from the Henry Ford. Our lives are being turned upside down and all we can do is wait!
Sorry about that I think I may have just had a mental break down. I really don't want to go into a ton of detail, and I really don't want to tell the world whats going on in our private lives right now. Just know that we are having some issues with our son and that we need all the prayers we can get. Pray for peace for Benjamin. Pray for strength for Matt and I. Most importantly, if you hear something please don't be quick to judge. We need all the love and support we can get right now from family and friends.
Sorry about that I think I may have just had a mental break down. I really don't want to go into a ton of detail, and I really don't want to tell the world whats going on in our private lives right now. Just know that we are having some issues with our son and that we need all the prayers we can get. Pray for peace for Benjamin. Pray for strength for Matt and I. Most importantly, if you hear something please don't be quick to judge. We need all the love and support we can get right now from family and friends.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Spring brings change.
Change is hard! I think that it is not really the change, but the transition from the familiar to the new. It's the actual process that is hard. Once you get to the end result it's not that bad. Most of the time your happy once you get to the goal line. We deal with change everyday. Some things we expect to change like the weather, and for those of us in Michigan we know that could happen a few times in a day. Some things are life changing like a death or birth. The changes our family is going though right now are a bit life altering. How we handle the next few months is going to be interesting to say the least.
Our middle son, Ben, has been going though something. We aren't sure how things are going to turn out for him just yet, but we are working on it. We need a lot of love and prayers right now for him and for Matt and I. We are struggling to stay above water and we hope to find answers soon. As soon as I know more I might let you all in on it.
Matt and I have been doing some counseling. We have been blessed with a strong marriage. God has brought us together and He made Matt just for me. How lucky am I to have found the best husband. Our counseling is to help with the hard job of parenting our children. Most people have kids and have no trouble being great parents. We however are starting to have some trouble. We really have a situation that a lot of people are never faced with. The counseling is helping tremendously! I've now started to sit back and relax just a bit when it comes to the kids. We actually left them for the weekend last week. It was the first time we went away in almost 10 years. The last time we only had Adam. It was great to get away and focus on us. The counseling has also taught me that I need to try to be more understanding with my kids. I have been told that I was not a good Mother before and I think that really cut deep. I always feel that I'm being judged by those around me so I'm quick to react when I feel my boys are doing something "wrong" even though it may be some little thing that they can work out on their own. Holy run on sentence! Anyway, I've learned to ask "so what did we learn from this" so that they learn how to solve their own problems. I grew up in a house with a ton of yelling. I thought it was what eveyone did. Matt grew up in a house without yelling. This has always been a problem with our parenting styles. Matt never yells at the boys. He is such an amazing parent. I do, did, a lot of yelling. I'm really trying to stop. Tonight I handled a problem without yelling once.
The biggest change our family is facing right now is with Adam. He will be changing schools in a few weeks. This is a change that pretty much hit us in the face. It will be a good change in the end. It was one that we were prepared for in the fall, however it's happening now. Adam's teacher needed to take the rest of the year off. That is very hard on Autistic children. The sub that they get may not be the sub they have for the next few months. This was something that Adam had to deal with a few years ago and it didn't go well. We decided to send him to his new school this year instead of next year. That way he wouldn't have to deal with the change of a new sub every few days until they find a long term one. The hard thing about this move is that it's middle school. Adam is in 5th grade and he will be going to middle school. I know that it is still an ISD classroom and that he will get all the support he needs, but it's still middle school. My baby is going to MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! This is hard for me. It seems like yesterday I was putting him on the little preschool bus. The tears are starting to flow. I can't beleive my boy is growing up. I'm excited because I know that he will learn so much more than he has in the last few years, but at this point I just want to curl up with him and keep him young for as long as possible. As I sit here and type I keep remembering the Kermit the frog pj's. Oh how I miss those days.
Change. We need it to learn and to progress in life. It is so very hard at times. For our family, changes are for the good. I just hope that through the next few months we are all more understanding of each other. I know that it is something that is impossible to ask the kids, but for myself it is just what I need to be.
Our middle son, Ben, has been going though something. We aren't sure how things are going to turn out for him just yet, but we are working on it. We need a lot of love and prayers right now for him and for Matt and I. We are struggling to stay above water and we hope to find answers soon. As soon as I know more I might let you all in on it.
Matt and I have been doing some counseling. We have been blessed with a strong marriage. God has brought us together and He made Matt just for me. How lucky am I to have found the best husband. Our counseling is to help with the hard job of parenting our children. Most people have kids and have no trouble being great parents. We however are starting to have some trouble. We really have a situation that a lot of people are never faced with. The counseling is helping tremendously! I've now started to sit back and relax just a bit when it comes to the kids. We actually left them for the weekend last week. It was the first time we went away in almost 10 years. The last time we only had Adam. It was great to get away and focus on us. The counseling has also taught me that I need to try to be more understanding with my kids. I have been told that I was not a good Mother before and I think that really cut deep. I always feel that I'm being judged by those around me so I'm quick to react when I feel my boys are doing something "wrong" even though it may be some little thing that they can work out on their own. Holy run on sentence! Anyway, I've learned to ask "so what did we learn from this" so that they learn how to solve their own problems. I grew up in a house with a ton of yelling. I thought it was what eveyone did. Matt grew up in a house without yelling. This has always been a problem with our parenting styles. Matt never yells at the boys. He is such an amazing parent. I do, did, a lot of yelling. I'm really trying to stop. Tonight I handled a problem without yelling once.
The biggest change our family is facing right now is with Adam. He will be changing schools in a few weeks. This is a change that pretty much hit us in the face. It will be a good change in the end. It was one that we were prepared for in the fall, however it's happening now. Adam's teacher needed to take the rest of the year off. That is very hard on Autistic children. The sub that they get may not be the sub they have for the next few months. This was something that Adam had to deal with a few years ago and it didn't go well. We decided to send him to his new school this year instead of next year. That way he wouldn't have to deal with the change of a new sub every few days until they find a long term one. The hard thing about this move is that it's middle school. Adam is in 5th grade and he will be going to middle school. I know that it is still an ISD classroom and that he will get all the support he needs, but it's still middle school. My baby is going to MIDDLE SCHOOL!!! This is hard for me. It seems like yesterday I was putting him on the little preschool bus. The tears are starting to flow. I can't beleive my boy is growing up. I'm excited because I know that he will learn so much more than he has in the last few years, but at this point I just want to curl up with him and keep him young for as long as possible. As I sit here and type I keep remembering the Kermit the frog pj's. Oh how I miss those days.
Change. We need it to learn and to progress in life. It is so very hard at times. For our family, changes are for the good. I just hope that through the next few months we are all more understanding of each other. I know that it is something that is impossible to ask the kids, but for myself it is just what I need to be.
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